Just Me
by Telwyn Dubois
Summary: Lily has always felt that she's living in her best friend Tina's shadow. But now it's her seventh year, and she's ready to shed that "miss geek" personality, and come into her own as a confidant, smart, normal girl. Notice I didn't mention beautiful.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: If I were Jo, I'd be living in a palace somewhere in Ireland, eating donuts and drinking chocolate milk. J

M-mail will be used in this one! (The story can't survive without it)

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Have you ever had a friend that was just absolutely, absolutely perfect? I have. I don't mean perfect like model perfect, someone who looks like they just stepped out of a plastic surgery place. Those people scare me, honestly. I mean perfect like being born perfect. Tina Burnhardt is like that. My best friend. She's not the loveliest person in the world, but she's pretty. She's just plain adorable, and there's something about her that attracts everybody. But Tina has that special magic that makes everybody want to be her friend, and guys want her as their girlfriend. Everybody wants to know her, and she's just…_special._

Dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Ordinary combination, but she just seems to sparkle. Short, and nondescript, but even my other friends love her.

Honest to goodness, I'm surprised she's my best friend. She's so…so perfect. And then there's me. Little Lily Evans. Slightly taller than Tina, dark red hair, green eyes. Slightly plump. Overly sarcastic. A regular geek. Acquaintances with everybody, but friends with only a few.

Tina goes to Beauxbatons. I go to Hogwarts. We're childhood friends, since first year at a Muggle primary school. She lives near me (other side of London, in fact), but for some reason attends Beauxbatons.

See, Tina moved from London to Paris, and she began at Beauxbatons. (We didn't know that we were witches together, then. We found out about each other by accident.) Then she moved back to London, but refused to transfer to Hogwarts. I think it had something to do with Hogwarts sounding like Warthog. Ah, well. She does have a point. Tina's funny like that.

Sometimes I feel…oh, I don't know. Like I'm just…there. It's kinda like the Marauders, actually. I feel like Peter sometimes, and Tina's the equivalent of James or Sirius. I'm just barely hanging on to her social whirlwind. Peter's like that. Short, mousy looking… I'm surprised he's even friends with them.

Yeah, I know that I'm doing self pity crap. But sometimes it's hard not to. I just feel so…so alone sometimes.

Have you ever felt that? Where you're surrounded by people, but still kind of…detached. It's an odd feeling. As if… you're separate.

But back to Tina.

She's so…perfect. There's no other word for it. Tina's not super smart, but she's not dumb. She gets all O's, but doesn't brag about it. Tina enchants all her teachers, and ditches school, but doesn't get caught or even in trouble. She just lies and says that the Arithmancy teacher needed her or something.

I'm…just me. I can't do that. I've got a reputation for being "lil Miss

Goody-goody," and I don't know how to break out of that shell. I follow all the rules, I pay attention in class, I tutor kids who need help. I…I turn down boys because girls like me don't associate with guys like James.

If you date James or Sirius, you're asking for trouble. By rights, I _should_ have a crush on Remus. Actually, if I wanted to be an "average Hogwarts girl", I'd have on one (or in some cases, all three) of them. But I'm not your average Hogwarts girl. (Or male, in some cases. Not that I have anything against gay people. I just don't happen to swing that way.)

I think it's just habit for James to ask me out. Originally, it started probably because he wanted to get closer to the "girl who had all the answers in Charms and Arithmancy". Not that he isn't smart. In fact, I know for sure that he's waaaaaay beyond the average seventh year.

He's just lazy.

That's right. Ok, so he's not lazy when it comes to pranks and all.

But schoolwork?

Other than DADA and Transfiguration, he doesn't seem to pay much attention. And he only takes notes in DADA and Transfig because he wants to be an Auror. How do I know this?

He ran around the school bragging his head off. Like I care that his father has "connections and whatnot". I can make my own way in this world by myself. I have to. There's two things counting against me.

a) I'm a girl.

b) I'm a Muggle-born.

Muggle women in America have begun suffragette campaigns (even my aunts Rose, Lily, Marigold, and Chrysanthemum have joined in. Yes, I have a lot of aunts. And that's just four of them!), but here in England, it's not happening yet. And wizards just don't see that most Muggle-born people are perfectly sensible. If Salazar Slytherin had his way, I'd be a perfectly happy Muggle.

Ok, maybe not.

I'd probably kill myself before the age of ten. Magical explosions and whatnot would be the death of me. Magic is uncontrollable, unless you learn to tame it. So, that's why I'm at Hogwarts.

And thank goodness for Godric Gryffindor.

I have a habit of getting off-topic. It's probably apparent by now, but my mind is rather quick. The chain of events is like this:: James-Classes-him being lazy-me making my way by myself-prejudices against women and Muggle-born people-killing myself.

That chain of thought can form itself in a matter of split-seconds.

So you might say that I'm above average in the IQ department. That's my only strength.

I'm not beautiful. I'm "pleasantly plump" and moderately pretty, actually, but I don't really mind. If my body wants to be fat, fine. Alright, so I'm not totally happy with it. But I don't have time to run around and do track (like Tina) and I'm absolutely hopeless at Quidditch. (don't get me near a broom). I know I have large eyes, and they're actually quite pretty, once I discovered that "healing sight spell". It was an old spell, and I didn't find out until afterwards that I could've died in the process. But enough about that.

I also have a penchant for bread and butter. I'm not sure why, but I have to have at least two slices of bread a day, smothered in butter. That could be the cause of my plumpness…hmm…

Aw, crap. There's Jamie. Jamie Ubaldi is slightly, er, obese (twice as wide as I am, and half as tall too). She's on the yearbook with me, and she's sooooooo annoying. This is what happened yesterday.

So the Gryffindor cheerleaders were selling sticks of beef jerky for a Knut apiece. One of the cheerleaders is Terryn, and she makes a lot of money off of James and Sirius. (They love beef jerky more than I love bread.) Jamie wanted to know what beef jerky was made out of, and we were all sitting at tables, working on our pages. It was fun. All of a sudden, she looks over at me and asks, "What's beef jerky made of?"

Kathleen Foster, a tall, gothic girl and fab writer, just rolled her eyes at me and said, "Beef." Duh. What else would BEEF jerky be made out of? I finished scribbling out some ideas and shoved them towards Kathleen, who grinned and said, "Lovely, Lily. Now…what if we just change this, and there you go! Perfect!" She slid it back towards me.

Jamie didn't get it. She kept asking, "Well, then what's the jerky made out of?"

I have a sarcastic streak, as mentioned above. It's just a part of me. I'm overly sarcastic, what can I say?

So I rolled my eyes (who else's eyes would I roll? That's a stupid expression) at her and said, "Frog Liver." She's such an idiot. I was thinking, _If she fell for that, she'd probably believe that Hallie Wendlyn is my alter ego._ Hallie Wendlyn is like _the_ hottest pop singer at the moment. She's like my idol. I _love_ her music.

She fell for it.

I couldn't believe it.

She fell for it.

"Is it really?" Jamie asked naively. I shrugged, not paying any attention to her. So she skipped around to the other tables and asked, "Lenea, is jerky really frog liver?"

How dumb can you get? We're seventeen, for chrissakes! Ok, I'll stop cussing.

I cuss a lot too.

Think I forgot to mention that.

So…what else to talk about. At the moment…nothing. Well…._James._

I honestly think he only keeps asking me out as a habit, which originated from a bet (or so the rumors say) with Sirius in fourth year. I mean, why would one of the most wanted people in the school bother with somebody like me? People like James go out with people like Tina. Speaking of which…there's another M-mail from her right now. Wait, no. Better yet, it's an Mim! (Magical Instant Messenger)

JumpAroundUpnDown: Hey chicka!

XlilsmartypantsX: Tenie Beanie! Hey!

JumpAroundUpnDown: Ugh. Don't call me that! How's life?

XlilsmartypantsX: It's ok. Kinda boring. So, who's your current bf?

JumpAroundUpnDown: Garrett something. He's soooooooo cute! Not to mention funny. Here, want to talk to him?

The one thing I have never fathomed is Tina's boyfriends. Even after she breaks up with them, they're still friends! I haven't even had one boyfriend…

XlilsmartypantsX: Sure, why not!

UrWORSTnitemare has entered the MIM.

XlilsmartypantsX: Hey Garrett.

JumpAroundUpnDown: GARRETT! Missed ya!

And the conversation proceeded like that. But yeah. Even then, I felt rather…isolated. I'm always cold. I could be standing in a desert and be cold. It's very odd. Then again, I'm an odd person.

AAH! I'm always re-examining myself. I never stop.

It's like I'm this person outside of my body, and I'm looking in and scrutinizing my own thoughts.

Ok, I'm gonna stop. In fact, I'm going to bed.

But this is the way most of my life works.

Back to my original point! Yeah, there's nothing particularly special about me. I don't have that sparkle like Tina does. I'm not popular like James or Sirius. I'm not pretty like Kathleen. I'm just me.

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A/n: This is slightly different from OotP. Lily doesn't really hate James. She just doesn't really care for him one way or the other. This is only the first chappie, but tell me what you think, so I'll know whether I should go on.

There won't be another update in awhile, unless I get an urge to write. I still have ICE, LDAW, GP, and PP to work on at the moment, so…yeah. Hehe.


	2. Tragic Childhood

I feel a lot of you can relate to Lily (I know I can) and I'm glad for that. Most girls out there are sarcastic and probably over analytical of ourselves.

Ok, I've had my say. On w/ the next chappie!

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I know that most brilliant geniuses have some sort of tragic childhood. Hence the word most. Really, I'm not like that at all. It's not boasting to say that I'm brilliant. I got perfect scores on the A-levels when I was thirteen; you don't get much more smarter than that.

But back to the point. I don't get it sometimes. Famous people are always "rape victims", or "homeless children". Not me. Then again, I'm not famous or anything. Sometimes I want to be, but being anonymous is really much better.

But I had a pretty normal childhood. My older sister, Petunia, is older than me by five years, so we didn't really talk. Sure, her friends cooed, "Aw, she's such a sweetie!" and when they were nine, I had to play the baby of their "family". Petty was the mum, and her best friend Maryanne was the younger sister. Sometimes they dragged the guy next door ,who by the way is really hot) Garrett, over to play daddy. Those were the good times. When make-believe seemed completely real.

Petty or "Tuna" is pretty in her own way. Tall and gangly, she has an elegant build. She was the athlete, I was the brainiac. But she is fairly pretty. Dirty blonde hair dyed brown later. Dark blue eyes. Stereotype ditz, really. But she wasn't. It's hard to describe. She was a complicated personality. Aren't we all? Even Potter and Black are, amazingly.

I was just the kid sister that tagged along with all the preppy athletes. Preps tend to be really good at physical ed, weirdly enough. I had few friends as a child, mainly because I was busy playing "cute little mascot" to the cheerleaders at Petunia's secondary school, Millings. They loved me, I loved attention in those days. A happy relationship.

But then the letter came. That one about me being a witch. At the time, I thought it was a joke, sent by Petunia's new boyfriend, George something. He was a real joker. Worse than Sirius, if that's possible. So I'm afraid and embarrassed to say that I tossed it out.

But then more of them came.

The house was flooded with letters. My mother, Violet Stevens Evans (Flowery names run in my family, unfortunately. Hence all my aunts' names) became convinced that it was not a gag. So off we went to the Leaky Cauldron, and my adventures at Hogwarts unfolded.

My sixteen-year-old sis became…jealous? Afraid for me? Afraid _of_ me? To this day, I don't even know. I think it was because she was used to having everything, and then along came something that she doesn't understand.

What I do know?

She used to be obsessed with fantasy. It was her secret fetish. Even though she moved on to dating, make-up, and guys, her room was covered in unicorn paintings. Fairy paintings. Titania, Oberon, Puck. It was beautiful. Dreamy. Gauzy blue and purple and pink curtains and stuff adorned the large, spacious room. Wait. Large and spacious mean the same thing.

After the letter, she went and did something with her room. I don't know. But when I came back for the hols, her room was stark white. And she'd become cold. Cold, bitter, emotionless. She was just a shell. Gone was the vivacious girl who used to run to me, sweep me up in a hug, and cry, "LILY KINS!" Now she called me a freak.

I was only eleven then. I didn't understand what was happening, so I spent my entire hols in my room, crying. But now I understand.

For once in my life, _I had something she didn't._ I was better at something than she was. And that rankled in her mouth. Preps don't like having younger siblings that are better than they at something. Not to mention that I was just slightly prettier than her.

But whatever. Screw her. I don't care if she's hurt. I don't need anything in my life anymore.

I used to have a motto that I left on all my m-mails. "_All you have in life are family, friends, and crushes. Don't lose any of them, or your life will be incomplete."_ It's true. I lost my family, or part of it, and there's always a gaping hole that Petty used to fill. It's a queer feeling.

In a way, I suppose I've had a bad childhood. But I wasn't really abused. I still had mum and dad around. And my suffragette aunts. They're a bit…odd though. I can't blame them. Escaping from England must've been the topmost thing in their minds.

My grandmum is, or, was, a tyrant. (She died last fall. I was so upset.) Tall and menacing, Peach Stevens did not fit her name. She had severe gray hair. Actually, she rather reminded me of Professor McGonagall, except McGonagall is twenty times nicer than her. Scary, ain't it? Sorry. Isn't. Is not. There we go. Me n' my bad grammar. Hehe. But back to my grandmum. She used to correct all of us. "Stand straighter, Rose. Lily, don't raise your voice! A proper woman never shouts. Violet, your children must be seen and not heard! Why, Chrysanthemum, how many times must I tell you to use your proper name? Your name is not Chrys! (Pronounced Chris) It's Chrysanthemum! And-"

What did I say? She was a menace to society. Spending the hols with her was Cruel and Unusual Punishment. I wouldn't wish that on Luscious Malfoy, and that's saying a lot.

Gah. I'm turning into my fellow preppy classmates. It's Lucius. Not Luscious, as many Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs think. I'm ashamed to say it, but a few of my house think that too! We're Gryffindors! Gryff. Vs. Slytherin. It's in the books. Seriously.

Ok, not all of them are bad. But most slimy Slytherins are! They "slyther" everywhere, and…ugh. Malfoy is annoying.

ENOUGH ABOUT MALFOY! HE ISN'T WORTH MY TIME!!

But yeah.

Ok. New topic, Lily. Like… I have no clue. Focusing on what's happening around me? Meh. Why bother? I'm laying in bed with too much energy, reflecting on what happened today. So interesting, no? Totally.

So. Reflecting. Right.

Well, today wasn't so bad. I mean, it was an absolutely ordinary day. Here's a list of what happened today. Did I mention that I love lists? I don't get myself sometimes. I love making lists and being organized, but I live in a pigsty. Then I get these sudden urges to clean, and I rush off and do that. Doesn't make much sense. Then again, what about me does? I'm over analyzing myself again. Back to the list.

STOP GETTING SIDETRACKED, EVANS!!

Right. The LIST.

a) Terryn sold some more beef jerky to James and Sirius. How is it possible that all guys are fat or skinny, but not in between? I don't understand it. They eat twice as much as me, but they're skinnier. Ok, not really. But they look it. I have this theory (I have a lot of theories) that they look so skinny or so fat because they wear such baggy pants, and their stick legs are swallowed up in them.

b) Terryn flirted with James and Sirius. More with Sirius though. I think the only reason cheerleaders flirt with Quidditch players is because they don't know what's really underneath the skins of James and Sirius. Terryn, Emmeline, Kyra. They're all the same. Ditzes. Blonde would be the proper name, except I hate to stereotype, and half of the cheer squad is brunette. But James and Sirius… those two are a mystery. Around me they act like calm, serious, sensible people. James does, anyway. Sirius… he's never been serious, and he never will be. But around the cheerleaders, they're all flirting and boasting and bragging. The type of behavior that makes you wonder, what's the real them?

c) Jamie refused to switch yearbook pages with me, but hey. I'll write my own story, and stick it in there secretly! I'm so smart. Haha, not really. But I know anything I write will be ten times better than Jamie's! How could it not be? Most of the first years are smarter than this Hufflepuff. Makes you wonder if you have to be smart at all to get into Hogwarts.

d) Diane, one of Terryn's cronies (a sixth year), is going out with Warren McBride. Don't get me wrong. All the cheerleaders like me, geek though I am. But I've seen them be mean to others. They're very odd people in who they pick to be friendly to. The day I figure out their system is the day I date James Potter again. And that's never happening, because I already "dated" him in third year. So it was for an hour, and a bit of a joke. But still! These are words I know I will never regret. It's like saying I'm gonna marry Remus Lupin. Not happening.

e) Sirius is dating some Ravenclaw named Roxanne. I'm betting it'll last for two days.

f) Alice Prewett will be accepting a proposal from Frank Longbottom any day now. Frank asked me for advice, since I know Alice rather well. I'm happy for them. They deserve their happiness.

That's all I care to remember. Tomorrow will hopefully bring better things, but I don't know.

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Author's Response:

Marina89: Thank you!

Jewels614: No, you've met tEna, but this story is completely fictional. Tina Burnhardt does NOT EXIST. Not in my world, anyway. Just Me: You don't know the plot, so how can you not like it?

FreckledIrishMaiden: I was bored of writing skinny, perfect characters. It's time they had some problems! Lol.

Cherry Chalk: Thanks! And I think your stories are great too! J Yeah, the I-hate-you-but-inner-voice-says-no-you-don't do get rather irritating after awhile.

Smay: No, there will be no makeovers of anybody! But Lily is going to come into her own and discover just how confidant and powerful she is, and how much of an impact she has on lives. Yeah, the summary might change, but I don't particularly care for let's makeover Lily and see how beautiful she is! Type of stories.

Girl Number 1: Wow, you hit the nail on the head! James is not going to be the hero; he's just kinda there while she figures things out about herself. Thanks, the suffragettes part just kinda…fit in. I think it may be a bit late though. I can't seem to remember my history lessons! "I think this is a must read for every girl." While I wish that were true (more reviews. Hehe), it's not. Many girls have already "found themselves", but Lily's still "finding herself" Thanks for the long review!

DobbyGrl: ThAnKs FoR ReViEwInG!! (I'm practicing. Hehe)

SiRiUsRoXmYpOKaDoTsOxS: Cute sn! I like it!

Cilverblood: Don't even think about it, Erika! Hehe.

Aiki-Tenshi: She doesn't really feel bad about herself. Lily's comfortable the way she is. She just sometime wishes she could be better than this. It's the perfectionist in her that's coming through.

Flame Of Desire: Hehe, thanks.

Blink182Rox: Thanx a bunch!

Marauders4ever: Lol. You've already told me what u think of the story! J Thanks for reviewing though. IM me sometime, coz otherwise I'll forget! (You know me n' my bad memory)

Galasriniel: Yeah, I'm overly analytical and sarcastic too. I can't help it; it's in my blood. Hehe.

Lilproblem: Hugs first reviewer Thanks a lot!

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I just want to say that I'm amazed about the support you guys have for me. It makes me feel so good. Lol. 


	3. Watch Me

Disclaimer: If I were Jo, Ol' Moldie would be dead by now (I have no patience!) and Sirius would live on (Runs to lavishly decorated and quickly constructed shrine to Sirius).

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"Lily! Will you go out with me?" James called.

I shrugged. He asks this (as I said, out of habit) every few hours. It's routine for me to roll my eyes and come up with some witty reply. "Only if you swear off beef jerky for the rest of your life." Ok comeback. I'll think of better ones later. Did I mention that I talk to myself while over self-analyzing? I probably did, somewhere. I also have an odd organizational system in my head. Don't ask.

Not to my surprise, he started moaning and writhing on the floor. "No! Anything but that, Flower! I'll do anything for you!" Remus, one of my "acquaintances" (did I mention I have no friends? Well, lots of friends, but no best friends forever type. Ok, I have Tina. That's it.), nudged him with the toe of his shoe. "But my beef jerky! I will die without my beef jerky!"

"Well, then, I suppose you'll just have to live without me," I muttered in the driest voice imaginable. I have a dry wit; what can I say?

"Lily Flower! I cannot live without you! I will die without you! I need both!!" James continued to squirm on the floor. We're seventh years, and he's Head Boy. Does he know he's creating quite the spectacle? Then again, this is nothing new, and there's only the four of us here. Me, James, Sirius, and Remus. We're in the Heads dorm. We get our own dorm. Hehe. I feel so special. Right. Me. Special.

"Choose, James. Me or the jerky?" I tossed sarcastically over my shoulder as I bent over my Charms homework. I am the Queen of Sarcasm, as dubbed by the "King of Pranks" himself. King of Getting Into Detention the Most Times is more like it. No, wait. That'd be Sirius. So I'd have to make him King of Annoying Me the Most. Wait, that's still Sirius. Hmm… Ok then. King of His Little Group Dubbed the Marauders and Full of Himself. That didn't make sense, but whatever. Why do they call it homework? Why not dormwork, or commonroomwork or, or…I'm rambling again. I have a tendency to do that.

James straightened, brushed off his robes, and grinned. Idiot. "Beef jerky of course. Sorry, Lilsy, but-"

"Suit yourself." Even now, joking with acquaintances, I feel cold. I'm sitting in front of the freaking fire, and I'm freezing. Well, I feel like I'm freezing. It's as if I'm in this other world, and the public me is just-

STOP. ANALYZING. YOURSELF. NOW.

Ok, ok. I proceeded to try to quit examining my thoughts. Or, I tried to. Didn't work so hot. I thought the two sides of your brain were supposed to work together. Not…argue with each other.

"Lily? You ok?" Remus tentatively asked.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm fine." I laughed quietly, but I don't think they got the joke. Then again, why would they? I'm talking to myself here. Which is actually ok, because everybody talks to themselves once in awhile, and it's a perfectly normal thing to do; talking to one's self. So I'm not crazy. Yet.

And I'm still analyzing myself. Argh.

Great. Now I sound like a pirate! _Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me._ Just perfect. I now have a Disney song in my head. I really should not go over to America during the summer; it's not healthy for my brain.

Have I always been this odd, or did I just notice? And off I go. Blabbering to myself, and not listening to anything that anybody else is saying… Or doing. Speaking of which, James was still writhing, moaning, and playing Drama King with himself. He's arrogant, annoying, and quite odd.

Now I'm shivering. Seems like I always am. I should move to Egypt or something. I hear there are cute curse-breakers… just kidding.

Really, I don't care about boys. I'm seventeen; still quite young. Those little kids disgust me. The ones who are thirteen and moaning, "I'm single again!" Boohoo. Most don't marry till they're twenty. At least. As if I care.

Alright, so I do have the occasional crush. I mean, right now, I've got mini crushes on James, Sirius, Remus, and Kingsley Shacklebolt. I think I spelled that right. But yeah, see what I mean? No, of course not. But a mini crush equals the thought of "They're hot, and all, but no. Also known as their personalities need work". Maybe not Remus, but he's more of a friend than anything.

But no real crushes. You can't have a crush on somebody like James, who signed up for yearbook because he thought it was an easy course. Does he even realize how much work we put in? This is my last year; I want it to be perfect!

But of course, James HAS to be in MY yearbook class, and he HAD to have the highest grades (after me of course) so now we're co-editors. Just perfect. First I'm Head Girl with his Head Boy-ship, and now we're co-head-editors?!? Sometimes I think Professor N. is insane. Just… insane!

But brilliant.

Still insane though.

Enough reflecting! Lord knows I do enough before bed! Time to FOCUS!! Transfig, Evans, Transfig!

"Lilykins?"

A distraction just as I got focused! This is bloody perfect. JUST what I need.

I went for the casual, nonchalant voice. "Yeah?" Oops. I think some of my anger seeped through. Too bad. Maybe he'll remember that I hate his guts and stop asking me out, even as a joke.

Guess not. 'Cause he's still going, "Lilykins! C'mon! ONE DATE!!" James was down on his knees, using his infamous 'puppy dog eyes'. He does have hazel eyes after all. A curious shade of hazel. It's like his eye color shifts constantly. I've never seen anybody else's eyes with the same color. Light brown, dark brown, medium brown, just plain muddy brown, but not that _hazel_.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen IF I said yes. I mean, he's not all that bad is he?

So maybe I should say yes. I can almost hear Tina's voice saying, "_You should, you know. Seventeen years old and no date. It's not like you're wanting for one. So maybe you're a little plump. And you've got an odd combination of features. A little plump elf. But you're adorable. Take me. I'm not hott. But people still go out with me. It's all about the charm. Go for it! So he's like a Bradin, who's just there and annoying. SAY YES! No wonder you haven't had a boyfriend. I bet it's coz he scared everybody else away!_

To do or not to do? That is the question. Stupid Hamlet. Damn Shakespeare. DAMN MUGGLE STUDIES!! Why do I even take Muggle Studies? I'm a born Muggle! Honestly…

K, you know what? James is still sitting there, waiting for my answer. Is that a spark of hope I see in his eyes? Nah, it couldn't be. I mean-

But what if?

What if? What if I said yes, what if he really liked me…

Utterly ridiculous.

But what if (there we go again) he really did like me, and to him it wasn't just a joke? Maybe I should say yes. Nothing bad could come from it, right? I mean, even if it was a total fluke (unlikely; I heard Terryn remarking the other day how good James is to all his dates), we already are on acquaintance-level terms anyway, so it would not matter one whit. Whit. I like that word. It's so cool. Back to the subject. And even if it was just an 'ok' date, doesn't matter again, right? Then we'd become slightly above acquaintance-level. Our 'relationship' (if one can call it that) would not really change.

Of course, there is the slight possibility of it being great. Hey, I learned in grade school to always pay attention to the least likely, most improbable possibilities. Here's one of them. So, what would come as a result of that? Probably, again, nothing. I dunno.

I have a confession to make.

I've always wanted to have a close guy friend.

I dunno. I mean, the opposite sexes really aren't that different. And I've always wanted, I can't believing I'm revealing one of my 'deep, dark, secrets' to myself, well, I always dreamed of having a really close best friend. Preferably male. I mean, I could tell him anything! Like which teachers I think are real bitches, or things like video games. You know. "Male things". I can't talk about those things to Tina, after all. A) She hasn't got any of my teachers, so it wouldn't matter, and B) she dislikes "male things". Weirdly enough. Hehe.

So maybe I should say yes.

Oh, what the hell.

Take a chance on me,

Take a chance on me…

Fine. I'll take a bloody chance. Out loud, I blurted, "Ok."

Waking up from my reverie, I looked around. They had apparently left during my little silent reflecting. Though I think quite fast, I thought too long, I guess. But yeah.

They're gone.

This is blinking ridiculous. How could I have deliberated so long, and then never answered? How stupid.

Oh well.

I guess I'll answer with a positive note tomorrow.

Watch me.

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Author's Response:

FreckledIrishMaiden: Thanks for the critique; my reviewers have been sorely lacking in that department. Yeah, there was no evident plot structure b/c I wasn't quite sure what kind of story this was supposed to be. But I've decided to do a first person story, which is rare for me. I normally hate first person stories, especially if they don't portray the character the way I see the character, or if they don't give good enough reasons or make enough sense. I don't expect a lot of reviews for this, mainly because if others don't see Lily as I do, that's just fine with me. We're all different. :P I hope you stick around to see the now evident plot in this chapter.

LCH8292: Lol, it's ok. We all sound ditzy once in awhile. Thanks; I spent a lot of time deliberating over what would cause Petunia to hate Lily. I may do a one-shot in the future explaining all the reasons as I see them. Or maybe I'll just write an essay to prove my point. Hehe. And I really like the whole adam/eve story. I completely agree!!

Smay: Never heard of the listmaker! Is it a movie or a book? Or is it fan fiction?

Fairybells3: Lol, thanks!!

Vickiicky: In this chappie! I hope you liked it. Now that I think about it, I should have combined the first two chapters. I just wanted to get the first chapter out, and then… lol.

Vickiicky: (again) Thanks for reviewing both chappies!! Well, I figured it needed a proper ending, and summing it up sounded just right!! :P

Jewels614: Hello. I will see you at the end of January.

Flame of Desire: I totally, totally, TOTALLY agree with you!! All the preps are good at ALL sports (though they complain about nails and stuff). Maybe it's coz we play w/ the guys on all of the rainy days… Hehe. Although some of them are seriously screwed up. There's this one prep who totaled her grandma's car driving it (she was 12 at the time) to the mall. Came back, took her mom's car, crashed that, and ended up in jail. Ugh.

Girl number 1: Woohoo! I will check out your story as soon as I get around to it. :P And thanks for everything you said about my story! Really made my day!! ;D

Galasriniel: I seriously think that most girls are over-analytical and sarcastic. What would the world be like without people like us? ::grins::

girlknight: my lists are almost as weird… except I can't think of an example at the moment. ::sigh:: Thanks for reviewing!!

DobbyGrl: Aww, thank you!! ::bows:: You're a great writer too!!

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Ok, here's a little problem. I have a huge, huge, HUGE competition for violin. Ugh. And right after that (3 days) is midterms!! Fun fun. Then I've got a ridiculously short amount of time for my yearbook (I'm co head editor, woohoo!) pages to be in, and yearbook comes before fan fiction. Sorry, but it's true. At the end of February is my sister's birthday, and then the music teacher's national association is hosting a national conference, and my repertoire class got chosen to perform! The only Suzuki group there; woot woot!! _After that _is auditions tapes for my summer violin camps. So don't expect anything till around March. Goes for all stories. If I get anything done during February, I will post ASAP, and I may even forego the author's response to reviews just to get them in quickly. But anything in Feb or Jan should be considered a rare miracle. 


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